I found this website called yourscenesucks.com and it lists stereotypes of teenage subcultures in America. And then I realised, “Hey they should make one for Singapore!” So I decided to write this post.
The “Hypebeast” – Subcrew mesh cap, a $1000 Neighbourhood selvedge denim which he folds to his knee to show its authenticity, a pair of $2000 Visvim Christos (pronounced slippers), Gucci belt, Headporter pouch, Louis Vuitton wallet.
He's in-fact poor and eats bread everyday. But he's willing to part with $2000 to buy a pair of fucking slippers. He visits frontallabs.com religiously to know the latest fashion trends (i.e. what EDC is currently wearing) and to get the best deals under the KNDG section. He queued overnight last Christmas for the new limited edition Dope cap launch, and he's not worked up that it's now worth less than 10 bucks on eBay.
Despite having spent about $10, 000 on fancy threads, he still looks like a fucking Ah Beng.
The “Mat” – Fake Subcrew mesh cap floating on his head, fake Bape hoodie, tapered (pronounced TARE-purd) jeans, tattoos on every inch of his body, slippers bought from downstairs.
His life revolves around ‘Minahs’ and motorcycles. Other hobbies include ‘lepak’, ‘cari-pasal’ and blasting Eurodance Techno from his Nokia 3310 whenever he takes the train, bus or the occasional taxi, announcing to irritated passengers his rather exquisite taste in music. He has the word ‘Boi’ in front of his Friendster account name e.g. ‘Boi Sachok’ or ‘Boi Seluk’ to make it less a hassle for sex-hungry, 16-year old Minahs to look for people his kind to ‘pangkeng’. He spent 7 years in primary school and then 6 years in secondary despite never paying school fees his entire life before he was finally posted into Civil Defence for his National Service where he signed on.
The “Ah Lian” – Fake Gucci bag, short short shorts from New Future, spaghetti strap tops over neon-coloured bras stuffed with tissue paper, Havaianas lookalike...all copped from Bugis Street. (But she didn't pay for shit cause she stole them.)
She tYpEs LiKe DiSh and has 431689736 friends on her Friendster, Facebook and Myspace accounts. She enjoys taking photos of herself in “super-kawaii” poses using her 2 megapixel cameraphone and posting them on her Friendster; yet she'd be furious if a random guy sends her a private message asking if they could be friends. And if you're a guy, never ever look at her, eventhough she's walking around town in her underwear cause she will write a 2000-word entry about you on her blog and make you known to the world. Recently tried to be more 'atas' by hanging out at Haji Lane and moving on to Livejournal.
The “EJ Girl” – School blouse, pinafore (folded at the waist to show off more leg), IJ socks, school shoes.
She is very 'atas' and feels more comfortable conversing in the English language. (cause Mandarin is so ‘Cheena’) She records every detail of her meaningless life on her Livejournal (cause blogspot is so unglam), complete with camwhore pictures shot on the DSLR daddy bought her. She enjoys bitching about her BFF, skipping school to loiter around town aimlessly while still in her uniform, clubbing (despite being underaged), kissing girls (cause she's bi and proud of it) and sticking bloody sanitary pads behind toilet cubicle doors. She thinks she's lesbian and has a butch girlfriend, yet she grinded every guy in the club last night after getting drunk on lychee martinis. She has more guy friends compared to the regular neighbourhood school girl and they all come from St. Pats, St. Gab or is Caucasian.
Warning: Do not stereotype her because her school WILL retaliate if the local press makes a joke about their girls being ‘easy with the opposite sex’.
The “New Urban Male” – N.U.M. singlet, shorts, Braziliano Praia sandals, Crumpler sling bag with paddle sticking out.
He enjoys Dragonboating, suntanning at Sentosa, having sex with men and several other homosexual activities. Thus, he has a muscular physique and a deep-tan complexion. But..sorry girls, he's gay. He wears make up and puts on his sister's dress when his parents are not around, and then he'll take pictures of himself and post them on Fridae.com. His other hobbies include watching Gossip Girls, playing with dolls and sitting down to pee from his vagina.
The "Writer of this post" – Is a culturally-confused Malay who owns streetwear and a pair of Havaianas flip-flops and has dated IJ…I mean EJ girls.
